<1% of American Veterans1
Grizzled Veterans of Cold War-Era Conflicts have been thrust into the National Spotlight over the last two Election Cycles. Grizzled Veterans of Cold War-Era Conflicts have been deployed to persuade other important Swing Voter Demographics.
Why? First, these Swing Voters make fantastic Surrogates for Presidential Candidates. Due to their admirable service to our Country, no one can question the absurd statements that come out of their mouths.2
Second, if anyone dares to question the validity of their statements, Grizzled Veterans of Cold War-Era Conflicts can claim that the Questioner isn’t “supporting the troops,” making this Demo impervious to criticism.3
All Americans live in constant terror of being perceived as not “supporting the troops,”4 because we are aware that Grizzled Veterans of Cold War-Era Conflicts could snap at any moment.
You might wonder why Grizzled Veterans of Cold War Era Conflicts are so interested in perpetuating international armed conflicts, when they have clearly been so adversely affected personally.
Perhaps it’s because upon closer inspection, we discover that their own military records are not so impressive. For example, some Grizzled Veterans of Cold War Era Conflicts’ only relevant experience on their military resume is being shot down behind enemy lines and falling into enemy hands.5
1 Believe they have the right to speak for all American Veterans.
2 Pay attention to me, I was part of the first war America ever lost, so I have the right to tell you about the next war we are going to lose.
3 By the way, the only way you can “support the troops” is to make them keep fighting indefinitely..
5 Congratulations, you’re incompetent!