.000000000000000666% of American Voters
Secretly Gay, Outed Priests are a small, but crucial Swing Voter Demographic in this year’s Presidential Election.
In 2000 and 2004, this Demographic was extremely well used by the Republican Party to convince their faithful flock to support George W. Bush, the Compassionate Conservative Candidate. This was particularly critical during the 2004 Election Cycle, as the flock was somewhat concerned that their Christian leader had started two wars halfway around the world.
Luckily, Secretly Gay, Outed Priests were able to distract their followers by insisting that the Democratic Party was trying to turn their children queer by supporting gay marriage legislation.1
This Demo has unique insight into the gay agenda – because they themselves have been sucked into it.2
How to Effectively Pander:
- Be male. Also, consider wearing something tight. Something in a thigh-length alter-boy vestment.
This Demo’s primary concerns include personal privacy, anti-gay legislation, denial and self-loathing. Secretly Gay, Outed Priests feel that government shouldn’t interfere in people’s secret, double lives. Wasn’t it Jesus that said, “Doeth unto others what I say, not what I doeth behind closed motel room doors?”
From The Rectory to The Glory Hole.
1 Please ignore the fact that Republicans were responsible for sponsoring the overwhelming majority of Anti-Gay Marriage Legislation on the ballot in 2004.
2 Sometimes they also do the sucking!