0.7500000000000% of American Voters
Until recently, Wall Street Pinkos were an undervalued Swing Voter Demographic in American Politics. Indeed, most Americans were unaware of the Political Power of this Big Swinging Voter Demographic until Wednesday evening, when the United States Senate declared a new Socialist era in this country by effectively nationalizing the financial system.1
Many American Voters are wondering… how did this happen?
For most of their history, Wall Street Pinkos have been ostracized from the mainstream Wall Street Community due to their extremist ideology. Wall Street Pinkos, also known as “Visible Hand Socialists,” believe that the Government and its People should own, operate, regulate and administrate the means of production, distribution and exchange in American Business.
Wall Street Pinkos have long claimed that lack of Government oversight and regulation of the Financial Markets would inevitably lead to greed, abuse, exploitation and further class stratification in this country, with the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer.2
The Wall Street Community, also known as “Capitalist Pigs,” scoffed at their Socialist notions, arguing that Socialism is an inherently flawed economic system because it eliminates the incentives for hard work and innovation, whereas Capitalism is pure because it rewards success and punishes failure.
Then, legend has it, some Senior Managing Director from Bear Stearns quoted Ayn Rand, and everyone shrugged and chuckled politely as if they knew who that dude was.
Over the ensuing years, Wall Street Pinkos quietly took matters into their own hands. Wall Street Pinkos started granting home loans at exorbitant interest rates to the Sub-Prime Proletariat.3
Wall Street Pinkos correctly predicted that Capitalist Pigs would be taken in by this clever ruse, because nothing looks better on a balance sheet than a usurious loan. But Wall Street Pinkos knew full well the Sub-Prime Proletariat Class would rise up and tear down the Class Structure in the United States by defaulting on these absurd loans. 4
By the time the Wall Street Community realized what was going on, Wall Street Pinkos had re-packaged these toxic loans into what were secretly known as “Chernobyl Derivatives.” Wall Street Pinkos re-sold these Derivatives to Capitalist Pigs up and down Wall Street, who in turn re-sold those loans to Capitalist Pig Institutions all around the world, creating a domino effect across the Global Financial System.
Wall Street Pinkos are perhaps the most influential Swing Voters in 2008, because they are about to swing the United States into an entirely new Political System. In addition, Wall Street Pinkos will play an important role in a critical Swing State now that they will be retiring to rural Colorado, where they will live in secret gated communities.
1UPDATE: 10/3/08 – The House of Representatives has just signed an updated version of the Bill that includes $150 Billion more dollars for the Sub-Prime Proletariat
2 How’s that working out?
3 See also: Predatory Lenders
4 How else can one explain granting millions of loans to People who haven’t proven they can afford it?