0.0000000032% of American Voters
Although Dental Hygienists make up a tiny percentage of the Voting Age Population in America, 9 out of 10 Dental Hygienists choose to vote in every Election. And since only 5 out of 10 of Americans choose to vote in Presidential Elections, Dental Hygienists are getting a lot of personal attention in 2008 from Presidential Candidates.1
As a result of their good voting habits, Dental Hygienists have received billions of dollars in federal earmarks over the years. For example, it is a open secret that the American Taxpayer has been funding those cardboard treasure chests filled with florescent plastic cowboys, mini yoyos and tic-tac-toe boards. And have you ever noticed when they offer you the “free” Toothbrush, the drawer behind the Dental Hygienist is always stuffed to the brim with Toothbrushes? Government Subsidies.
Everyone knows that George Washington chopped down that famous cherry tree so that he could fashion himself a new set of wooden teeth, but did you know that Millard Fillmore maintained a secret amateur dental practice even while serving as Zachary Taylor’s Vice President? At the time of Taylor’s untimely death, there were whispers that it was Fillmore’s improperly sanitized dental instruments that resulted in Taylor’s fatal gastroenteritis.
We can only speculate on the pandering that is going on right now by Presidential Campaigns to try and sway Dental Hygienists to their side. Will Dental Hygienists help any Candidate scrape out a victory in 2008? And will the 5 out of 10 Americans who chose not to vote in 2004 stand up and be counted so they can get their slice of the earmark pie?2
1 Spit, please.
2 Be sure to floss after earmark pie.