From Hockey Moms to Godless Hollywood Liberals, Top 50 Swing Voters identifies the 50 most important groups of Swing Voters in the 2008 Presidential Election.
What is a Swing Voter?
In this Polarized Political Era in the United States of America, Presidential Elections are decided by razor-thin margins. This is because two Extremist Factions make up the majority of Americans who actually vote in Presidential Elections.
On the left side of the political spectrum, we find only Latte-Drinking, Biscotti-Munching, Wind-Surfing, Baby-Killing, NPR-Pledge-Driving, Commi-Appeasing, Ivy-League-Educated Liberals.
And on the other side of the aisle, we exclusively find Gun-Toting, Bible-Thumping, Squirrel-BBQ-ing, Tax-Evading, Snowmobiling, CEO-Golden-Parachuting, Nazi-Appeasing, Community-College-Educated Conservatives.
These factions are well-financed, ideologically monolithic, and completely ignored in the General Election Campaign, because no matter what their chosen Candidate does, they can be counted on to turn out and blindly vote the Party line.
Presidential Campaigns know that the key to any election is the ~30% of American Voters who classify themselves as Independents.1
Independents are also known as “Swing Voters,” because given enough transparent pandering, enough public appearances with Aging Action Movie Stars, or enough sappy stories about pregnant single mothers pulling themselves up by their bootstraps while holding down three jobs, Swing Voters can swing both ways.
In order to pander effectively to these tiny groups of Swing Voters, Presidential Campaigns break them down into easily digestible stereotypes, or Demographics. In the 2000 Election, for example, Soccer Moms, The Religious Right and Elderly Floridians with Impaired Vision elected George W. Bush.2
But by 2004, Soccer Moms were replaced by Security Moms, and Lunatic Fundamentalists took the place of The Religious Right. And one cannot misunderestimate the importance of the Flip Flopper Vote in 2004, which propelled George W. Bush to his second term.3
So, as a public service, here is a taste of who will be choosing our President this time around. The Top 50 Swing Voters in the 2008 Presidential Election.
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1 Or rather, don’t classify themselves.
2 A big assist goes out to the Supreme Court on this one.
3 Elderly Floridians with Impaired Vision inexplicably supported Buchanan again in 2004.
